EP 34 - Building A Culture of Honor

Equipped to Lead Podcast: A lot of men can take a joke, carry a load, and keep moving, but we may go months without hearing a trusted brother name what God is building in us. Romans twelve ten does not tell us to wait until honor feels deserved. It tells us to go first. Well today we'll learn how sincere, specific honor can strengthen our homes, teams, churches, and friendships without turning into flattery. Welcome to the Equip to Lead Podcast. I'm Corey Kucher, and this podcast exists to help men lead with strength, serve with humility, and love like Christ. Today's episode is called Building a Culture of Honor. Most of us know what a culture of criticism feels like. A mistake follows a man for years. Sarcasm is constant. Credit is scarce, and everybody keeps score. And nobody wants to be the first person to say something sincere. Paul gives the church a very different command in Romans 12 10. He tells us to love one another with brotherly affection and to outdo one another in showing honor. By the end of this episode, we will understand what biblical honor is, what it is not, why it can feel difficult for men, and how one specific practice can begin changing the atmosphere around us this week. Our primary verse is Romans 12 10. But we will begin with the surrounding verses because the context keeps honor sincere and grounded in truth. Romans twelve verse nine through eighteen says, Let love be without hypocrisy, abhor what is evil, cling to what is good, be devoted to one another in brotherly love, give preference to one another in honor, not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord, rejoicing in hope, and Persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, by practicing hospitality. Bless those who persecute you, bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation. Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. But respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Here we see Paul begins this section by saying love must be genuine. Then he gives a series of plain commands. Hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good, love one another with brotherly affection, outdo one another in showing honor. That order matters. Biblical honor lives inside sincere love. It does not call evil good, it does not flatter people to gain influence, it does not pretend every choice is wise or every relationship is safe. Honor sees a person truthfully and refuses to make contempt the operating system of the relationship. The word Paul uses carries the idea of valuing, showing respect, and giving preference. Some translations say to take the lead in honoring one another, others say to outdo one another. Either way, Paul is telling us not to wait passively. We must go first. That is countercultural because most honor systems move toward the important person. People honor the one with status, power, achievement, age, wealth, or influence. Paul tells ordinary believers to make honor a shared practice in the family of God. We do not create a person's value with our words. God made human beings in his image. And when we see evidence of his grace, character, sacrifice, or faithful service, sincere love names it. Honor is not pretending a man is perfect. It is refusing to treat him as only his worst moment. That line will guide the rest of our conversation. The first thing we need to see is that honor is not a scarce prize. A lot of male environments run on comparison. Who is the strongest? Who knows the most? Who gets the promotion? Who has the better marriage, the more successful children, the bigger platform, or the story one everyone wants to hear? Compromise makes honor feel expensive. If I acknowledge what is strong in another man, maybe it will expose what is weak in me. If I give him credit, maybe there will be less attention left for me. So we protect ourselves with silence, or we take something sincere and we cover it with a joke. There is nothing wrong with good natured humor among friends. Men often connect that way. The problem comes when teasing is the only language we speak and sincerity feels forbidden. A man can work beside us for 10 years. We know he is dependable. We know he stays late when the team is in trouble. We know he tells the truth when it cost him. At his retirement dinner, everybody finally says what they could have said while he still needed strength for the work. Why do we wait? Sometimes we assume he knows. Sometimes we are awkward. Sometimes pride does not want to go first. The gospel changes the economy. In Christ, another man's faithfulness is not a threat to our identity. We are already received by grace. We do not have to build our worth by standing above somebody else. In Philippians 2, it tells us to do nothing from selfish ambition or empty conceit. But in humility to count others more significant than ourselves. Paul points to Jesus who humbled himself and took the form of a servant. Christ did not lose glory by stooping to serve, and we do not lose value by giving honor away. A secure man can celebrate grace wherever he sees it. Before honor speaks, it learns to see. We usually notice what interrupts us the missed deadline, the harsh tone, the chore that was not done. The decision that we disagree with, those things may need to be addressed, but if it but if that is all that we see, our picture of a person becomes badly distorted. A culture of honor trains our attention toward what is true, good, courageous, sacrificial, and shaped by grace. Think about an ordinary evening. A father walks in tired, puts his phone down, and gets on the floor with his children. His wife may have Seen that choice a hundred times. Honor pauses long enough to say, I see how you keep choosing presents when you are worn out. Our children are being strengthened by that. At work, a younger employee admits a mistake before anybody discovers it. A supervisor can focus only on the cost, or he can correct the problem and also say, Telling the truth quickly showed integrity. Keep becoming that kind of man. In church, an older brother may never stand on stage, but he notices who is alone, remembers names, and prays for people through long seasons. We should not need a funeral to tell the truth about the fruits of his life. Colossians 1 speaks about Christ in us, the hope of glory. We should be careful not to turn that into vague praise about human potential. Our hope is Christ, not positive thinking. But because Christ truly changes his people, we We can look with faith. We can recognize present grace and encourage a man toward continued faithfulness. Here is a useful question. When we think about the men closest to us, do we mainly keep a record of what frustrates us or can we name where God is at work? If we cannot name anything, we may need to slow down and look again. Seeing is not enough. Honor has to become concrete. Vague praise can sound polite, but it often slides past a man. Good job, you're awesome, we appreciate you. Those words are not wrong, but they do not always tell him what mattered. Specific honor has weight because it connects three things what we saw, what character it revealed, and what good it produced. We might say, I watched you take responsibility when that plan failed. You did not blame the team. That showed humility and it made it safer for the rest of us to tell the truth. Or You have called me every week since my dad got sick. Your consistency has reminded me that I am not carrying this alone. Or to a son, you told the truth even though you knew there would be a consequence. That took courage. I want you to keep becoming a man whose word can be trusted. Specific honor is not manipulation. We are not using praise to control the next result. We are simply telling the truth in love. Ephesians 4 29 says our words should give grace to those who hear. Grace filled words are not soft words that avoid reality. They are words fitted to the need of the moment and aimed at building up. Some men are starving for that kind of a speech. They hear every correction, they hear what is behind schedule, what broke, what did not sell, and where they disappointed someone. They may rarely hear a trusted person name their courage. Patience, repentance, generosity, or quiet endurance. I want to be honest here. Speaking this way can feel exposed. It is easier to send a joke than to look a brother in the eye and tell him his faithfulness has strengthened us. But awkwardness is not a good reason to leave life-giving truth unsaid. One compliment does not create a culture, repeated practice does. Culture is what becomes normal around us. It is what gets celebrated. What gets corrected, what gets repeated, and what a new person learns without anybody handing him a written rule. If sarcasm is normal, the new guy learns to keep his guard up. If credit always moves to the top, people learn to protect their ideas. If weakness becomes a weapon later, honest confession disappears. But when men tell the truth, share credit, keep confidence, repent, and honor specific faithfulness, trust begins to grow. At home, a culture of honor can sound like a husband thanking his wife specifically in front of the children, parents noticing obedience and courage instead of only reacting to problems, and family members refusing contempt when conflict gets tense. At work, it means credit travels toward the people who did the work while responsibility travels toward the leader. It means correction happens clearly and privately when possible. And contributions get named without favoritism. In church, it means we honor visible and invisible service. We respect leaders without turning them into celebrities. We value the man stacking chairs, the brother discipling one teenager, the elder carrying a hard conversation, and the member who keeps showing up in prayer. In brotherhood, it means vulnerability is not punished. A man can confess sin, receive truth, and And still be reminded that failure is not the whole story God is writing. Imagine a group of men where every gathering includes honest truth and specific encouragement, not a forced ceremony, not everybody taking turns saying something impressive, just a steady refusal to let good go unnamed. That kind of culture does not make men soft, it makes repentance safer, courage more visible, and faithful strength easier to repeat. Now we need the guardrail because honor can be misused. Biblical honor is not flattery. Flattery says what helps me gain access, approval, or advantage. Honor says what is true for the good of the other person. Honor is not pretending sin did not happen. Romans 12 9 says to hate what is evil and hold fast to what is good. The same passage that commands honor commands moral clarity. Honor is not automatic trust. Trust can be damaged, and rebuilding it may require repentance, time, accountability, changed behavior, and wise boundaries. Honor is not staying silent in abuse, coercion, exploitation, or danger. Pursuing safety, telling the truth, reporting wrongdoing, and seeking qualified pastoral counseling, legal, medical, or emergency help can be faithful acts of love. We can also honor a role without approving every decision. 1 Peter 2 tells believers to honor everyone. That does not mean every person receives the same access, authority, agreement, or trust. This matters because some men have experienced honor culture, language used to protect powerful people from questions. That is not Romans 12. Paul is describing mutual honor in a body where love is genuine and evil is opposed. Healthy honor moves in every direction. Leaders honor the people they serve. Older men honor younger men when they see grace. Younger men respect those who have carried responsibility longer. Peers refuse rivalry. Everyone remains accountable to truth. We do not need to choose between contempt and compromise. Jesus gives us a better way truth spoken in love, dignity without denial, and grace that leads toward repentance. Let me turn this into one practical action for the week. Honor one man. Choose one person. It could be your father, your son, a coworker, a supervisor, your pastor, a longtime friend, a young man who is trying to grow, a brother who has carried a quiet burden. And then take three simple steps. First, name what you saw. Keep it concrete. A decision, a sacrifice, a pattern of faithfulness, a moment of repentance. Or a way he serves someone when it cost him. Second, name the character behind it. Integrity, patience, courage, humility, generosity, dependability, teachability, self-control. And then third, tell him why it mattered. Who was protected? Who was strengthened? What trust grew? What example did it set? Then say it directly. Face to face is strong when possible. A call or a thoughtful message can work when distance requires it. Do not make it a public performance, do not exaggerate, do not attach a request, and do not wait for him to honor you back. One man, one specific truth, and one honest word of honor. If there is also a hard conversation that needs to happen, do not use honor to avoid it. Ask God for wisdom to speak both grace and truth. This action cannot guarantee a changed relationship. It is not a formula, but it is a faithful way to obey Romans 12.10 and begin changing what becomes normal around us. We cannot build this culture by learning a better communication technique alone. Our deeper problem is pride. We want recognition, we want to compare, we we protect ourselves, we remember offenses, and sometimes use contempt to keep distance. Jesus does not flatter us about that. He tells the truth about our sin, then gives himself for us. Philippians 2 says he humbled himself and became obedient to death on a cross. The one worthy of all honor accepted shame to rescue people who had dishonored God. He rose from the grave, and everyone who trusts him is welcomed by grace. Our identity becomes secure in Christ, not in being the most impressive man in the room. That security frees us to repent when we have cut people down. It frees us to receive correction without collapsing. And it frees us to celebrate the grace of God in another man without feeling diminished. The Holy Spirit can retrain our eyes and our speech. He can make sincere love more normal than comparison and grace filled truth stronger than sarcasm. We do not honor others to earn God's approval. We go first because in Christ, we God has already shown mercy we never could have earned. Guys, think about one man whose faithfulness has strengthened you. Do not assume he knows. Do not wait for a retirement, a crisis, or a funeral to say what is true. Tell him what you saw. Name the character behind it. Tell him why it mattered. Honor is not pretending a man is perfect. It is refusing to treat him as only his worst moment. Let's become men who tell the truth, oppose evil, and Protect the vulnerable, and go first in strengthening what cr what reflects Christ. Outdo one another in showing honor. Lead with strength, serve with humility, love like Christ. Be strong and lead well. Let's pray together. Father, thank you for the mercy you have shown us in Jesus. Forgive us for comparison, contempt, ⁓ empty flattery, and leaving good words unsaid. Teach us to see your grace and others, speak truth with courage. And honor people without hiding sin or avoiding wise boundaries. Bring one man to mind this week and help us strengthen him with sincere words in Jesus' name. Amen.