Ep-17 - How to Restore a Brother Who's Drifting

Equipped to Lead Podcast: Welcome to the Equipped to Lead podcast. I'm your host, Corey Kutcher, and I'm glad you're here with me today. Over the past several weeks, I've talked about biblical brotherhood, why we need it, what it actually looks like, and how to build it. Today, I want to talk to you about one of the hardest things to watch in the life of another brother. That is seeing a brother who used to be steady begin to drift. You notice he is less engaged, less tender, less hungry for the word. less faithful, less open, and more cynical, more guarded, and more passive. And when we notice that drift, a lot of men make one of two mistakes. They either stay silent because they do not want a hard conversation, or they come at him so aggressively that they only make things worse instead of helping him recover. But the Bible gives us a better way. If we notice a brother is drifting, the goal is not to shame him. to beat him in an argument or to push him away. The goal is to help him repent and heal and walk closely with the Lord again. So today I want to talk about how to restore a brother who is drifting. I want to walk with you through how to recognize drift, how to move toward a brother instead of away from him when he is drifting, and what it looks like to restore him with truth and gentleness and humility and follow through. Like we've talked about in previous episodes, most men do not collapse all at once. Drift usually begins to show itself in small patterns first. It may look like pulling back from church life, neglecting scripture and prayer, increased secrecy, bitterness, irritability, compromise, spiritual passivity, or defensiveness when questioned. Hebrews chapter 12, verses 12 through 13, speaks of strengthening weak hands and making straight paths so what is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather healed. That is the posture we are to have. We need to notice weakness early and aim at healing and restoration. A man drifting may still look fine on the outside, but brothers close to him can often sense something is off. He is not as engaged as he used to be. He's shorter with his family at home. He is quieter spiritually. He is more closed off. He may not have blown up publicly, but he is definitely drifting on the inside. If you care about a brother, you do not wait until the wreckage is obvious before you pay attention. Next we see once we notice drift in James chapter five verses 19 through 20, it says that if anyone among you strays from the truth, and one turns him back, he saves his soul from death and covers a multitude of sins. That means that we, as godly men, do not just shrug when our brother drifts. We are to move towards him. In Luke chapter 15, it gives the picture of a shepherd going after the sheep that has wandered. This reflects the heart of Christ. This passage also shows us that restoration is active and not passive. That means love does not merely notice drift, love pursues If we see a brother drifting, it can be as simple as reaching out to him and saying, you have been on my heart and can we talk? That simple move may become the beginning of his rescue. If you see drift and refuse to act, that is not love. As men, we are called to reject passivity, to step into hard things and to pursue our brother's good. Silence may feel easier, but it never leads to restoration. Next we see in Galatians 6 verse 1, it says that if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual are to restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, looking to yourself so that you too will not be tempted. The gentleness Paul mentions does not mean that we are soft on sin. It means our heart and manner of restoration are to be marked by humility, care, and desire to help our brother rather than to crush him. Proverbs 27 verse 6 says, faithful are the wounds of a friend, which just means that a real friend will tell you the truth even when it hurts. A drifting brother needs truth, but not self-righteousness. He needs clarity, but not contempt. Nathan confronting David in 2 Samuel 12 is a powerful picture of what loving confrontation looks like. David had sinned grievously. He had committed adultery with Bathsheba and then arranged for Uriah to be killed in order to cover it up. For a time, David did not deal honestly with his sin, but God sent Nathan to confront him. What stands out is that Nathan did not stay silent. He did not excuse David's sin because David was the king. He did not avoid the conversation because it was uncomfortable or dangerous. He was willing to step in and speak when David needed to be confronted. At the same time, Nathan's goal was not to humiliate David for the sake of humiliation. He was not trying to destroy him or shame him or crush him beyond recovery. He confronted David so that David would finally see his sin clearly and be brought to repentance. Nathan spoke the truth in a way that exposed David's heart. And by God's grace, David responded and he said, I have sinned against the Lord. That is what godly restoration looks like. Real love does not ignore sin, but it also does not delight in tearing a brother down. It speaks the truth clearly, courageously, and purposefully so that the sinner can be brought to repentance and restored to a right walk with God. That is what a godly brother does. He says the hard thing. but he says it with the right heart. Next we see in Galatians 6, it warns the restorer to watch himself. That matters because no man should approach restoration as if he is above falling. The posture we should never take is, I would never do what you have done. Instead, we should take the posture of brother apart from God's grace, I'm vulnerable too. That humility protects restoration from becoming arrogant. It keeps your tone soft. your heart somber, and our approach honest. Jesus restoring Peter in John 21 is a beautiful picture here. Peter had failed deeply, but Jesus met him, questioned him, corrected him, and restored him. Truth was present, grace was present, and restoration was real. If you want to restore a drifting brother well, you have to approach him as a fellow sinner in need of grace. not as a man that's standing above him. Next we see restoration is rarely a one and done conversation. It is often a process that takes time. A drifting brother may need prayer, accountability, encouragement, specific steps of repentance. He'll need help rebuilding spiritual habits, support repairing damaged relationships, and sometimes pastoral help and counseling. through 23 shows that some situations require mercy, some require urgent rescue, and all require care and wisdom. That means restoration does not end with one hard conversation. You do not confront a brother, tell him you will pray for him, and then leave him on his own. Real restoration stays involved. It's following up, it checks in, it keeps showing up. You help him take real steps back toward health. You encourage him to get back into the word, to return to prayer, to stay connected to the church, and to walk in honest relationships instead of isolation. You do not just point out the problem. You walk with him as he begins to turn back towards faithfulness. If a brother admits he has been hiding sin and drifting from the Lord, Restoration means more than hearing his confession. It means helping him after the conversation too. It means staying close enough to encourage him, to ask hard questions, to pray with him and help him keep moving in the right direction. The goal is not that he just feels convicted in the moment, but that he is actually helped back into a steady and honest walk with God. And that is where this gets real personal. It's easy to talk about restoration in principle. It's harder to ask whether we are actually living it out. So do not just think about what other men should do. Ask, what does this require of you? Ask yourself, is there another brother in my life who is drifting and I have stayed silent? Or have I mistaken avoidance for God's love? Or do I confront with gentleness and humility or with just frustration and pride? And am I willing to move toward a drifting brother the way I would want someone to move toward me? Will I stay engaged after the first conversation or will I disappear? When a brother begins to drift, godly men do not ignore it and they do not crush him. They move toward him with truth, gentleness, courage, humility, and a desire to restore him to Christ. If you want to love a brother well, You have to notice the drift. You have to speak honestly and stay present through the process of restoration. Here's your challenge for this week. Think of one man who may be drifting and do not stay silent. Pray first, reach out directly to him and ask honest questions and then speak truth clearly and gently. And if a brother opens up, do not disappear after the first hard conversation. stay engaged and help him walk back toward the light. Before I close this out in prayer, I just want to thank you for listening to the Equipped to Lead podcast. I hope this episode helps you be a stronger Christian brother to the men around you, encouraging them, challenging them, and pointing them back to Christ. And if this episode was helpful, I would be grateful if you would leave us a five-star review and share it with another brother. That helps the podcast reach more men who need this kind of biblical encouragement. Thanks for listening and until next time be strong and lead well. Lord God, we just come you today, Lord, to just give you all the honor and glory and praise. Father, I just pray that you give me a heart that does not ignore the drifting brothers. Make me courageous enough to move toward them, gentle enough to restore them, and humble enough to remember my own need for grace. Father, I just pray you help me speak truth clearly, avoid pride and gossip, and stay engaged long enough to help bring a brother back into the light. Use me to strengthen what is weak and restore what is drifting. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.