Ep 19 - Winning the War for Purity

Equipped to Lead Podcast: Men, some of the biggest battles we fight are the ones nobody sees. Purity is fought in quiet moments, what we look at, what we linger on, and what we keep hidden. So how do we become men who stop drifting in private and start fighting for holiness with conviction and courage? Well, today we're talking honestly and biblically about winning the war for purity, not with shame, but with the grace and strength of God. Welcome to the Equip to Lead podcast. I'm your host, Corey Couture and I'm glad you're here with me today. Today, we are stepping into a conversation that every man needs, whether we want to admit it or not. Today, we're talking about winning the war for purity. Our anchor text is Job chapter 31, verse 1, where Job says, have made a covenant with my eyes. How then could I gaze at a virgin? Here we see Job does not say, I will try to be careful. He does not say, I hope to do better. or I will deal with temptation when it shows up, he says, I have made a covenant with my eyes. That is intentional, that is serious, and that is decisive. And that tells us something right from the beginning. Purity is not something we drift into. Purity is not accidental. Purity is not passive. Purity is something we decide, and then by the grace of God, we fight to protect. Last episode we talked about the battle for our mind, and that flows directly into this conversation because the battle for purity is closely tied to the battle for our mind. What we allow into our eyes will eventually affect our thoughts. What we allow in our thoughts will eventually affect our desires. And what we allow in our desires will eventually affect our actions. And what we allow in our actions will eventually shape our character. So this is not a small issue. This is not just about avoiding pornography or avoiding an affair or avoiding something that would embarrass us if somebody found out. This is about becoming clean. men before God, steady men, faithful men, men who are not ruled by our flesh, men who can lead with integrity because we are not hiding compromise. And before we go any further, I want to say this clearly. This episode is not meant to heap shame on men who are struggling. Shame makes us hide, conviction brings us into the light, and there is a difference. The goal here today is not to crush men who are already discouraged. The goal is to call us higher. The goal is to remind us that purity matters, that freedom is possible, and that we cannot keep playing around with something that is trying to destroy us. The first thing Job teaches us is this, purity begins with intentional boundaries. Job says, have made a covenant with my eyes. That means he made a decision before the temptation came. He did not wait until the moment of pressure to figure out where the line was. He did not wait until his emotions were stirred up. He did not wait until the opportunity was in front of him. He decided ahead of time. What kind of man was he going to be? And that is key because one of the biggest mistakes we make as men is trying to decide in the moment. moment our flesh is loud, our guard is low, our excuses feel reasonable, and in the moment our conviction can feel easier to push aside. In the moment, we can talk ourselves into things that we would have clearly rejected when our hearts were clear. In the moment, we can talk ourselves into things that we would have clearly rejected when our heads were clear. That is why we cannot wait until temptation arrives to build boundaries. Boundaries are built before the battle. Job's covenant with his eyes was a guardrail. It was not shame. It was not denial. It was wisdom. It was a man saying, I know how my heart works. I know how temptation works. I know where this road leads. So I'm going to set a boundary before I ever get near that ditch. That is what guardrails do. A guardrail is not there because the road is bad. The guardrail is there because danger is close. It keeps us from going over the edge when things shift, when something distracts us, or when we drift. A lot of what... A lot of us want purity without guardrails. We want to keep everything... Cory, come on. A lot of us want purity without guardrails. We want to keep every app, we want to watch every show, scroll anything we want, keep every temptation close, keep every secret private, and then we wonder why we keep failing. But we cannot live without guardrails and then act surprised when we go over the edge. Proverbs 4 says to watch over our heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life. Then just a couple of verses later it says, let your eyes look directly ahead and let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. There he's telling us, guard our heart and fix our gaze. And why is that? Because where our eyes go, our heart tends to follow. That is why this matters. Some of us need to stop acting like we can constantly expose ourselves to temptation and remain unaffected. We are not stronger than repeated exposure. We are not stronger than unchecked curiosity. We are not stronger than private compromise. We are not stronger than our flesh when we keep feeding it. Men who want to walk in purity must make decisions before temptation arrives. We have to say, are not going to follow every image, or we are not going to click every link, we are not going to linger on every woman, we are not going to let our phones disciple our eyes, we are not going to let our imagination run wherever it wants to. We are not going to give our flesh unlimited access and then ask why we are weak. That may sound strong, but many this battle requires strong decisions. Purity begins when we stop negotiating with sin and start setting holy boundaries. The second thing we need to see is that the eye is with the gateway to the heart. Jesus says in Matthew 6 that the eye is the lamp of the body. If our eye is clear, our whole body will be full of light. But if our eye is bad, our whole body will be full of darkness. Jesus is showing us that what we take in affects what fills us. Our eyes are not neutral. What we look at does not just stay outside of us. It gets in. It shapes how we think. It shapes what we desire. It shapes what we fantasize about. It shapes what we compare. It shapes what we expect. And it shapes what we crave. That is why we cannot just say, it is just looking. No, it is not just looking. Looking has a way of becoming lingering, and lingering has a way of becoming imagining. Imagining has a way of becoming craving. Craving has a way of becoming acting. And even if it never becomes an outward act, Jesus says the heart already matters. In Matthew 5, Jesus says that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. That should sober us, because Jesus does not merely deal with the outward act, he deals with the inward posture. He goes below the surface. He is not only asking, did we touch her, he is asking, did we use her in our heart? And that changes everything, because we can be physically faithful still be inwardly unfaithful. We can never cross the physical line and still allow our heart to live in impurity. We can say, I would never cheat on my wife while still training our eyes and mind to desire women who are not our wife. That is why purity has to go deeper than our behavior. God is not just after external control, he is after our heart. And men, we need to be honest here. Our culture has made this battle harder than ever in some ways. Temptation is not just out there somewhere, it is in our pockets, it is one click away, it is in commercials, shows, social media, suggested videos, reels, ads, and algorithms all designed to learn. what keeps our attention. We live in a world that profits off of our undisciplined eyes. The world does not care if our marriages are healthy. It does not care if our hearts are pure. It does not care if our minds are clean. It does not care if our sons are learning discipline from us. It wants our attention. and the enemy will gladly use that attention to weaken our souls. So the question is not, is temptation available? Of course it is. The question is, have we made a covenant with our eyes? Have we decided what we will not allow in? Have we decided what we will not stare at or what we will not feed? Have we decided what we will not excuse? Paul tells us in Philippians chapter four, verse eight, to dwell on whatever is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise. That word, dwell, matters. It means to think on, to give attention to, to let the mind rest there. So purity is not only about avoiding what is dirty, it is also about dwelling on what is pure. A lot of us try to win this battle only by saying no. No is necessary, but no by itself is not enough. We have to say no to what is destructive and yes to what is holy. We have to reject what pollutes the mind and fill our minds with what strengthens the soul. Because our minds will dwell somewhere, our eyes will feed something, our hearts will follow something. So the question becomes, what are we giving our attention to, and what is it doing to us? The third thing we need to understand is that purity serves a greater purpose. Purity is not self-focused moralism. It is not about walking around proud because we have avoided certain sins. It is not pretending we are better than other men. It is about being clean, ready, and useful before God. That matters because when we hear conversations about purity, sometimes we only think in terms of avoiding guilt or avoiding consequences. And yes, There are consequences. Sin damages, sin destroys, it brings grief, but purity is bigger than avoiding damage. Purity is connected to purpose. God has called us to lead, love, serve, disciple, protect, and proclaim the truth. How are we going to fight for the souls of men, women, and children if we are losing the battle in our own hidden lives? How are we going to lead our wives well if our eyes are trained to desire what is not ours? to raise our sons to be disciplined men if we are undisciplined and private? How are we going to teach our daughters what an honorable man looks like if we are privately feeding dishonor? And how are we going to serve in the church with spiritual confidence if we are constantly carrying the weight of hidden compromise? Purity matters because our lives matter. Our leadership matters, our family matters, our witness matters, our usefulness in the kingdom matters. A compromised man may still be gifted, he may still be talented, he may still have influence, he may still know the right words, but compromise weakens his spiritual authority. It drains confidence. It creates distance from God. It causes us to shrink back when we should be stepping forward. Some of us are not as bold spiritually as we should be because we know that there is something hidden. We do not pray with the same confidence. We do not lead our families with the same clarity. We do not challenge other men with the same authority. We avoid deeper conversations because we know we are not dealing honestly with our own sin. That is one of the hidden costs impurity. It does not just give us a moment of guilt, it weakens our usefulness. But purity strengthens us. A clean conscience strengthens us. A guarded heart strengthens us. A disciplined life strengthens us. When we are not hiding, we can stand stronger and speak clearer, love better, and lead with greater freedom. That is why the fight matters. We are not fighting for purity so we can check a religious box. We are fighting because we belong to Christ. We are fighting because our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. We are fighting because our wives and family deserve men who are present and undivided. We are fighting because the church needs men who are clean and courageous. We are fighting because lost people need men who can point them to Christ with integrity. We are fighting because boys need of what disciplined manhood looks like, we are fighting because God is worthy of our obedience, not just in public, but in private. Now let's talk about how we actually lose this war. Most of us do not lose it all at once. We start to lose it gradually or we begin to drift. We lower our guard a little at a time. We allow what we used to resist. We tolerate what we used to confess. We laugh at what we used to convict us. We rename sin as struggle and then we rename struggle as normal. And over time, conviction gets quieter. That is one of the most dangerous signs in our lives. not bother us like it used to when compromise starts feeling normal, we are in danger. It may start with something small, a glance that becomes a second look, a social media account we should not be following, a show that we know feeds lust, a private message that crosses a line emotionally, a search we know we should not make, a fantasy we keep returning to, a late night pattern we never deal with, or a hidden habit we keep promising ourselves we will stop. And each time we give in, the next time it gets a little bit easier. That is how sin works. Sin never stays small. What we tolerate grows and what we feed strengthens. What we hide deepens and what we excuse eventually starts shaping us. A lot of us tell ourselves, I have it under control, but we cannot stop. It's controlling us. If we keep returning to it, it has a grip. If we have to hide it, it is not harmless. If we would be ashamed for our wife or our pastor or our kids or a godly brother to see it, we already know something is wrong. And that may sound direct, but men, need direct truth because the enemy loves vague language. He loves when we call sin a slip or a bad habit or a rough season or a private issue or just something that we are working on. But scripture calls us to bring sin into the light, to repent, to flee and to pursue righteousness. And that is different. Another way we lose this battle is by isolation. Sin loves secrecy. It grows in the dark. When we never tell the truth about our struggle, we give that struggle room to grow. I'm not saying that we need to broadcast everything to everybody, but I am saying some of us need one or two godly brothers who can know the truth and can ask us the hard questions, not the, are you doing, where the answer is always good. I mean real questions like, how have our eyes been this week? Or are we clean? Or have we been honest with our wives? Or are we hiding anything? Or what are we feeding? Or where are we vulnerable right now? That kind of accountability may feel uncomfortable, but it is a gift because isolation makes us weak, but brotherhood helps us fight. The Bible does not tell us to casually manage this battle. 2 Timothy 2 verse 22 says, flee from youthful lust and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. That verse gives us a whole strategy. First, we are to flee, and that means to run, to get away, to not stand there, and do not negotiate. Do not act like we can keep temptation close and remain safe. near the edge we can get without falling. There are some battles that we lose simply because we try to stand and reason with something God has clearly told us to run from. If our phones are leading us into sin, we do not need to sit there and spiritually debate it at midnight. Put it away, get it out of the room, turn it off, hand it over to our wives, use filters, delete the app, do anything, just change the pattern. If social media is constantly putting temptation in front of us, we need to stop acting like we have to keep it. We do not need an app more than we need a clean heart. If a relationship at work is becoming emotionally dangerous, we cannot pretend we are just being friendly. Put distance there, bring it into the light, and protect your marriage. If a show, movie, or music keeps feeding impurity, we need to stop making excuses for it and just flee. But the verse does not stop there. It says, youthful lust and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace. That means the Christian life is not only about running away from sin. It is about running toward Christ. A lot of us try to remove impurity without replacing it with anything godly. We say, I'm going to stop doing that. Well, that's good. But what are we going to pursue instead? If we do not replace the old pattern with new pursuits, we will often circle back. We need righteousness and faith and love and peace. We need scripture. We need prayer. We need purpose. We need work that matters. and we need brotherhood. We need to be busy building what is good, not just trying to avoid what is bad. Idle men are vulnerable men, aimless men are vulnerable men, isolated and tired men are vulnerable, bitter men are vulnerable, discouraged men are vulnerable men, and that means we need to know our vulnerabilities. Some of us are most vulnerable at night, some when we are stressed, some when we are lonely. Some after conflict with our wives, some when we are traveling, some when we are bored or when we are discouraged and looking for comfort. We need to know what those patterns are. If we do not know what our patterns are, we will keep being surprised by the same failures. So we need to ask ourselves honestly, when are we most vulnerable? What are we most vulnerable? So we need to ask ourselves some honest questions. When are we most vulnerable? And where are we most vulnerable? What usually happens before we compromise? What emotional state tends to lead us towards... What emotional state tends to lead us towards temptation? That kind of honesty is not weakness, that is wisdom. So, how do we actually fight this in real life? Well first, we have to decide before the moment. Every one of us needs our own Joe 31-1 moment. So. So, how do we actually fight this in real life? Well first, we decide before the moment. Every one of us needs our own Jogue 31.1. We need to say before God, I have made a covenant with my eyes. Not a, I will try to do better, or I hope this gets easier covenant. We need to make a settled decision, a holy boundary, a covenant. We may need to write it down, we may need to say it out loud, we may need to tell another man, but we need to decide what kind of men we are going to be before the temptation comes. Second, we need to control our inputs. What are we watching? Or what are we scrolling? What accounts are we following? Or what images are we letting pass before our eyes every day? What kind of content are we allowing to shape our appetite? Men, we cannot fill our minds with impurity all week and then wonder why purity feels so weak. We cannot pour gasoline on our flesh and then pray that the fire does not start. Some of us need to clean up our inputs. Third, we need to cut off access points. This is where a lot of us hesitate because this is where it gets practical and costly. But Jesus used strong language about cutting off what causes us to sin. The point is not self-harm, the point is radical seriousness. If something is pulling us towards sin, we need to deal with it decisively. Whether it's getting filters, or removing apps, changing passwords, or moving the phone out of the bedroom, or stop watching certain things, avoiding certain places, but putting boundaries around private conversations. Tell a brother, make it harder. That didn't make no sense. Stop watching certain things, avoid certain places, or put boundaries around private conversations. We need to tell a brother and make it harder to sin. A lot of us keep asking God for strength while keeping the door wide open. We need to close that door. Fourth, we need to move fast when temptation hits. Do not give it time, do not sit with it, do not let it build a case, do not say, I will just look for a second. We need to move fast, we need to pray fast, and we need to stand up, walk away, and call someone, open scripture, or change locations. We need to do whatever we need to do to interrupt the pattern early. Delayed obedience usually turns into disobedience. Fifth, we need to replace lies with truth. Temptation always comes with a lie. It says, this will satisfy us, or we deserve this, or no one will know, or this is not that serious, or we can repent later, or we will never be free anyway. These are all lies, and we need to answer them with truth. God... We need to answer them with truth, the truth that God is better. Sin will not satisfy, hidden compromise is not harmless, our bodies belong to Christ, and that our wives deserve faithfulness. Our families need us clean, and our calling matters. Christ is enough and freedom is possible through Him. Six, we bring the battle into the light. James chapter five verse 16 says to confess our sins to one another and pray for one another so that we may be healed. There is healing connected to confession. Again, that does not mean every person needs every detail of our life. But if this battle has been growing in secrecy, we need godly help. We need another man who loves us enough to ask us the hard questions and walk with us towards faithfulness. If we want freedom more than image, we will eventually have to choose honesty over hiding. Seventh, we need to keep going after a failure. This is important. Sometimes we fail and then the enemy uses that failure to pull us deeper into shame. We start to think, I already blew it, so what does it matter? And that is a lie. We need to repent quickly, get back up, bring it to God, tell him the truth, and then take the next obedient step. We need to not let one failure become a season of surrender. A righteous man falls seven times, but he rises up again. And that does not excuse sin, it just reminds us that the Christian life is marked by repentance, perseverance, and not quitting. Now I want to talk to the man who still feels stuck. Maybe this has been a battle for years. Maybe you have promised God over and over that you were done. Or maybe you have said that never again and then you went right back into it. Maybe you are tired of the cycle of temptation, failure, guilt, shame, silence, then time passes and then temptation again and then failure again. Maybe you feel like a hypocrite or maybe you wonder if change is really possible. Well, I want you to hear me clearly that You are not beyond the reach of God's grace. You are not beyond the freedom that He can bring to you. You are not beyond change. But you do have to stop making peace with what is killing you. Grace is not permission to stay stuck. Grace is power to change. Jesus does not save us so we can remain enslaved to the same sins forever. He breaks the chains. He cleanses. He restores. He gives new desires. He gives us strength. to obey. But we have to come into the light, we have to repent honestly, and we have to take action. We have to stop protecting the sin that is hurting us. And men, hear this too. Purity is not only for men who have never struggled. Purity is for repentant men. Purity is for men who are willing to fight, for men who get back up, and purity is for men who bring their sin to Jesus instead of hiding in shame. Maybe our past is messy, maybe our story includes failure, maybe we have regrets, but our past does not have to define our future obedience. In Christ, we can become a different kind of man, not perfect but honest, and not sinless but serious, not free from temptation but no longer surrendered to it. And that is the real difference. This cannot just be an episode that we listen to and move on from. This has to become personal for us. We need to ask ourselves honestly, have we made a covenant with our eyes or are we still negotiating? Where are we most vulnerable right now? And what are we allowing ourselves to look at that is weakening our hearts? What account app or show habit or pattern needs to be cut off? What do we, what do we keep calling a struggle that we need to confess as sin? What lie have we been believing about purity or where has conviction grown quiet in our lives or who is one godly man we can talk to honestly. What step of obedience do we need to take today, not someday? Guys, do not make this complicated. If the Holy Spirit is putting his finger on something, we need to respond. Don't delay, don't bargain, don't wait until it gets worse. Don't wait until we get caught, and don't wait until the damage is done. We need to act now to make the call, delete the app, confess the sin, and set the boundary. Darn it. Do not wait until the damage is done. We need to act now. We need to make the call to delete the app, confess the sin, to set the boundary, to move the phone or ask for help, open God's word and to pray honestly and just take that next faithful step. The war for purity is real, and passive men lose wars. We will not drift into purity. We will not accidentally become disciplined. We will not casually defeat something that is actively trying to destroy us. We have to fight. We have to decide. We have to guard our eyes. We have to renew our minds. We have to flee what is sinful and pursue what is holy. We have to bring hidden things into the light, and we have to keep our eyes fixed on Christ. Job said, I have made a covenant with my eyes, and that is where many of us need to start. Not with a vague desire to do better, not with a empty promise but with real decision but with a real decision before God Lord, our eyes belong to you, our minds belong to you, our bodies belong to you, our private lives belong to you. Make us clean, make us faithful, make us useful. And men, by the grace of God, we can walk in purity. Not because we are strong enough in ourselves, but because Christ is strong, his word is true, and his spirit is able to help us become the men God has called us to be. If this episode has challenged you or encouraged you, I encourage you to share it with another man who may need it. And if this podcast has been helpful to you, we would ask you to just take a minute to leave us a five-star review. That really does help this message reach more men. If this episode has challenged or encouraged you, share it with another man who may need it. And if this podcast has been helpful to you, would you take a minute to leave us a five-star review? That really does help this message reach more men. As we close today, let us pray together. Father, thank you for your word. Thank you for the truth that speaks directly into the hidden places of our lives. You know every man listening right now, you know the battles we are facing. You know the temptations, the pattern, the guilt, the shame, the places where we feel weak. Lord, help us not to hide, help us not to make excuses, help us to not treat sin casually, give us the courage to make a covenant with our eyes, teach us to guard our Lord and guard what we look at and what we dwell on and God just be with us as we ⁓ go through this day blah blah blah blah blah Let us pray together. Father. Thank you for your word. Thank you for the truth that speaks directly into the hidden places of our lives. You know, every man listening right now, you know, the battles we are facing, you know, the temptations, the patterns, the guilt, the shame, and the places where we feel weak. Lord, just help us not to hide. Help us not to make excuses. Help us not to treat sin casually. Give us the courage to make a covenant with our eyes. Teach us to guard what we look at, what we dwell on and what we allow into our hearts. Where there has been impurity, Lord, just bring cleansing. Where there has been secrecy, God, just bring honesty. Where there has been bondage, Lord, just bring freedom. Where there has been defeat, just bring hope. Make us men who are clean and private and faithful and public. Lord, we ask all of this in your name. Amen. you